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Nicollette Sheridan Actress

Nicollette Sheridan

Best recognized for her role as a powerful, beautiful and manipulative "Paige Matheson" in the drama series "Knots Landing", she currently plays a similar role on ABC's award winning and mainstream top series "Desperate Housewives". One of Sheridan's first feature film appearances was in the hit Rob Reiner-directed comedy, The Sure Thing. In the film, Sheridan was the object of John Cusack's cross-country quest to find "the sure thing." In addition to Knots Landing, her television credits include TV miniseries and movies such as Lucky/Chances, Indictment: The McMartin Trial, The People Next Door, The Spiral Staircase and Dead Husbands. She has also starred in the feature film comedies Noises Off, opposite Michael Caine and Carol Burnett, Spy Hard, as Agent 3.14 and opposite Leslie Neilsen, and Beverly Hills Ninja, with Chris Farley and Chris Rock. Nicollette was named one of "50 Most Beuatiful People in the World" by People Magazine in 1990. Her grandmother, Dinah Sheridan, was a famous Actress. Sheridan was born on November 21, 1963, in Sussex, England and she is British.

For seven years, Sheridan played Paige Matheson, the catty vixen on Knots Landing. Also played straight woman to Leslie Nielsen's super spy Dick Steele in Spy Hard and opposite Chris Farley in Beverly Hills Ninja. Sheridan says women still stop her in malls to talk about Knots Landing and still call her Paige. Since signing off Knots Landing, Sheridan found time to romance L.A. Law's Harry Hamlin and singer Michael Bolton. Sheridan insists she is still very single and very unattached. Though Sheridan admits she used a stunt double for most of her wild and wacky stunts in Spy Hard, she insists, "Whenever my character is kicking butt that's me." Sheridan began taking kick boxing lessons six years ago, so she was eager to try out her moves in Spy Hard. "Unfortunately I don't get to do any of the ninja stuff in Beverly Hills Ninja, but I offered to help Chris with his moves." Sheridan also offered to help Farley slim down by inviting him on her morning jogging sessions. Sheridan will be seen in a CBS movie called The People Next Door.

Desperate Housewives Nicolette Sheridan Can Strip Say TV Regulators


DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star NICOLETTE SHERIDAN's saucy strip on American TV's MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL has been given the all clear by federal regulators.

The actress was seen dropping a flimsy towel that covered her chest during the pre-show telecast last November (04) and exposing herself to footballer TERRELL OWENS in a comedy skit, which outraged viewers.
Only Sheridan's upper back was exposed and no foul language was used but the skit led to a number of complaints from viewers, who felt the saucy routine was too much for Monday evening viewing.

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) opened an investigation after receiving many complaints, but a five-member panel has unanimously ruled the segment did not violate federal indecency standards.

Nicolette Sheridan Bullied Over English Accent


DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star NICOLETTE SHERIDAN consciously dropped her British accent when she moved to America as a child to avoid being bullied.

The 41-year-old, who was shocked by the taunts she endured after starting school in the US, has a different problem now - she's teased by her British friends about her American accent during visits to the UK.
She says, "I came over when I was 10 years old, which was very difficult because everybody made fun of me. You had the little English accent, you get up and read out loud in class and everybody was laughing and they used to call me 'Little English Muffin'. So I had a fabulous, intelligent retort. It was, 'Oh yeah? You American Cheese!'
"I had to practice a lot to get this American accent. I used to come home from school in tears from being called this English muffin and I'd go, 'I can't speak English anymore...' It was very difficult."

But now Sheridan faces taunts from her British pals.

She adds, "I go home they're like, 'Oh, you bloody Yank!' And here (in the US) they're like, 'What are you? Are you from New York?'"

'Desperate Housewives' star Nicollette Sheridan caught in sushi flap

Actress Nicollette Sheridan, known to "Desperate Housewives" fans as man-eater Edie Britt, has been banned from an exclusive Los Angeles sushi parlor.
Sheridan got into a big flap with the chef over a bit of flounder, which she sent back for being "too fishy," the London Daily Mail said.

Other diners, including fellow cast member Marcia Cross and "Charlie's Angels" star Lucy Liu, witnessed a screaming match between Sheridan and chef Kazunori Nozawa, who is renowned for his raw fish creations at Sushi Nozawa.

"I brought her some delicious flounder and she tried to send it back," Nozawa said. "She said she didn't like it and it was too fishy. I explained that if she didn't like it then she didn't have to eat it. She began screaming at me, telling me how awful I was."

Hollywood like Bognor Regis for Desperate Housewives star

'Desperate Housewives' star Nicolette Sheridan has likened Hollywood to Bognor Regis.

The sexy actress, who plays man-eater Edie Britt in the hit US show, grew up in the British seaside town and quipped there isn't much difference between the two towns.

She said: "I grew up in the countryside near Bognor Regis. Bognor Regis and Hollywood are very similar.the same sort of outfits and nightlife."

Despite living in Hollywood now, the blonde beauty has fond memories of her childhood and is still keen to live the same kind of lifestyle.

She added: "My mother had me on a horse when I was three and I've developed a huge love for them.

I'm trying to get back to that over here and find a place to have my horses and cattle and sheep and my little pot-bellied pig."

Desperate Housewives Nicolette Sheridan In Wrong Audition Fiasco


DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star NICOLETTE SHERIDAN originally auditioned for a different role in the hit TV series.

The 41-year-old star - who plays sex-obsessed divorcee EDIE BRITT in the ABC comedy smash - was initially invited to take on domestic goddess BREE VAN DE KAMP, a role ultimately filled by MARCIA CROSS.

And she admits the audition was a bizarre experience.She says, "I thought she would be desperately depressing, so I was half-hearted.

"I went along in a fabulous white CHLOE suit and this vest that was cut to my navel.

"When they asked me to read for Edie, I just pulled off the jacket - I went in to be a nice housewife and came out a slut!"

Desperate Housewives: Nicolette Sheridan Nude Pictures Up For Sale


DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star NICOLETTE SHERIDAN is reeling because a former friend is selling what he claims are raunchy photographs of the blonde actress.

American newspaper NEW YORK POST reports an ex-pal of the 41-year-old star, who plays sex mad divorcee EDIE BRITT in the hit ABC show, is offering the images to the highest bidder.

The unnamed man says, "I think they are beautiful pictures and they should be seen. She doesn't want me to sell them. But the way I look at it, if MR BLACKWELL named her the worst-dressed person, she might as well be th e least-dressed person."
Despite the former friend's sales strategy, PLAYBOY has turned down the chance to publish the photos, but HUSTLER magazine is reported to be interested.

Desperate Housewives Feeling Overexposed

"Desperate Housewives" beauties Eva Longoria and Nicolette Sheridan are beginning to feel over-exposed.
The ABC show won an army of fans upon its debut last year, when many TV audiences were looking for a show to replace the void left by "Friends" and "Sex and the City."

Despite loving their new A-list status, Longoria and Sheridan admit they're worried the public will get sick of seeing their faces.

Longoria, who plays bored trophy wife Gabrielle Solis, says, "We feel a little overexposed right now. We are trying to cut back, but it's hard when Vogue and Vanity Fair are asking us to shoot for them."

When asked by E! gossip columnist Ted Casablanca about the possibility of a big-screen version of the TV hit, Sheridan replies, "I think people are inundated enough with 'Desperate Housewives' -- the television series -- that the movie could really put them over the edge."

Longoria adds, "I can't even think that far."


ABC's 'The View' gets 'Desperate'

The ladies at "The View" are getting pretty desperate. During the week of Feb. 7, the five stars of "Desperate Housewives" will co-host ABC's "The View" while the show broadcasts from Los Angeles. Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Nicollette Sheridan, Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross will each join the daytime talk show for a day.

The Wisteria Lane residents will be filling in for "The View" moderator Meredith Vieira, who will not be making the trip from New York to Los Angeles due to family obligations.

Broadcasting live from Disney's El Capitan Theater, the week is a themed series called "The View Celebrates Los Angeles."

On Sunday, Hatcher won a Golden Globe for best actress in a TV comedy or musical. The ABC show also won for best comedy or musical TV series.

The other hosts of "The View" are Barbara Walters, Star Jones Reynolds, Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. The show airs weekdays on ABC.


Desperate Housewives: 70s Star too Upset To Watch His Ex Nicollette On Show

Seventies pop heart-throb LEIF GARRETT hates watching new TV phenomenon DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - because it breaks his heart witnessing his ex love NICOLETTE SHERIDAN kissing on screen

The I WAS MADE FOR DANCING singer romanced the British-born actress when she was just 16 and subsequently left him devastated six years later when she ditched him.

And now the fallen pop star can't watch his ex because it brings back too many bad memories.
He says, "Our love was too passionate and tempestuous. She dumped me and broke my heart but she will always be the love of my life."

Garrett reveals Sheridan moved in with him and his mother when she was 16 - with the blessing of her actress mum SALLY ADAMS and her partner, late KOJAK star, TELLY SAVALAS.

He adds, "We had an incredible, fantastic sex life. She was very athletic and coordinated, and we couldn't keep our hands off each other.


Nicollette Sheridan "I'm The Poorest Actress On TV!"

Despite the runaway success of ABC's Desperate Housewives, Nicollette Sheridan is claiming she is the poorest actress on television! "I have a feeling that ABC and Disney will be extremely generous at the end of the season," Sheridan told Access Hollywood. Industry insiders estimate that Sheridan, 41, makes approximately $40,000 per episode for her role as the devious Edie Britt, compared to Teri Hatcher (estimated to make $60,000 per episode) and Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman (each estimated to make $45,000 per episode). The lowest paid is Eva Longoria (estimated to make a mere $30,000 per episode).

Clearly, Nicollette has a great sense of humor. In early 2004, before she landed the part, a source overheard her saying outside an L.A. restaurant, "I can't even get a parking ticket these days in order to get attention."

Sheridan originally shot to stardom on Knots Landing in the '80s, but saw her career tank in the '90s. "She was considered 'over,'" a source tells Star. But now Sheridan's back on top thanks to her recent Golden Globe nomination for Best Actress in a Supporting Role. "I heard [the cast of] Friends got cars when they had such amazing ratings," she said. "I got flowers. I'm still waiting for the Porsche.


Nicollette: Desperately Bad Taste?

Apparently, Mr. Blackwell is desperate to inspire Nicollette Sheridan to change stylists.

The fashion-bashing guru ranked the newly enagaged Desperate Housewives star as number one on his 45th Annual Worst Dressed Women list, released Tuesday.
"In barely-there bombs, she's a taste-free pain," Blackwell crowed. "Let's crown her the Tacky Temptress of Wisteria Lane!"

Barely there...or perhaps not there at all. Back in November, Sheridan wound up in the center of an indecency scandal after she taped a steamy ABC Monday Night Football promo with Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens in which she appeared to be completely nude.

The promo was roundly panned by sport writers and the NFL, and the FCC said it received over 50,000 comments.

No word on whether Blackwell was one of the concerned citizens who phoned in to express his outrage over the combo of nudity and football, but it seems unlikely. Though the style maven proclaimed 2004 "the year of the wardrobe malfunction," he referred to Janet Jackson's infamous Super Bowl nipple slip a "total tempest in a teapot" when compared to other fashion fouls committed by various celebs.

"From a movie legend to television favorites to rock divas to press-hungry "it" girls, 2004 was a mind-boggling mix of the bad, the sad and the downright ugly," Blackwell announced. "Narrowing down the candidates to a manageable 10 was almost as difficult as trying to pronounce Meet the Fockers without offending Grandma."

Coming in at number two on Blackwell's list of fashionistas-gone-wrong was the exhaustion-suffering star of Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan.

"Overhyped and underdressed," Blackwell stated. "What's happened to Lindsay? When it comes to fashion, she's in a schizophrenic frenzy!"

Trailing Lohan in poor style were Simpson sisters Ashlee and Jessica, who tied for third place on Blackwell's list.

"From gaudy...to grim...to downright frenetic...these two prove that bad taste is positively genetic!" Blackwell stated.

Jessica, a repeat offender, moved, er, up to the number three slot from the fifth-place perch she earned last year.

Other Blackwell repeats included last year's ninth-worst dressed woman, Courtney Love, who moved up to fourth place ("Medusa stuck in a meltdown mode!"); last year's number two finisher, Britney Spears, who dropped to number seven ("a clothes encounter of the catastrophic kind!"); and last year's Worst Dressed Woman, Paris Hilton, who slid back to fifth place.

"Paris' 'designer' is obviously on vacation--this is one Hilton that should be closed for renovation!" Blackwell crowed.

Other celebs deemed fashion-challenged by Blackwell included number eight, Paula Abdul ("dresses with all the restraint of a revved-up Simon Cowell!") and number 10, the TrimSpa'd but still stylistically-stymied Anna Nicole Smith ("looks like a rag doll trapped in a wind machine!").

Blackwell was, as always, careful to point out that his barbs are directed solely at his targets' wardrobes of choice and do not carry over into their professional lives.

Meanwhile, Blackwell did have a few kind words to offer to those he deemed his "Fabulous Fashion Independents of 2004," including Kate Winslet, Nicole Kidman, Barbara Walters and Sheridan's Desperate costar, Teri Hatcher--women he claimed "emerged like shining stars on a rain-soaked night."

"Take a tip from these divas of design the next time you need instant inspiration," Blackwell advised.

Here's a complete look at Mr. Blackwell's 45th Annual Worst Dressed List:

1. Nicollette Sheridan
2. Lindsay Lohan
3. (tie) Ashlee and Jessica Simpson
4. Courtney Love
5. Paris Hilton
6. Serena Williams
7. Britney Spears
8. Paula Abdul
9. Meryl Streep
10. Anna Nicole Smith


Nicollette Sheridan tops Blackwell's worst dressed list

Actress Nicolette Sheridan "tops" this year's list of the 10 Worst Dressed Women by Hollywood fashion designer Mr. Blackwell.

Sheridan -- one of the stars of the hit ABC drama "Desperate Housewives" -- made the cut for what Blackwell called "barely-there bombs." He called her a "taste-free pain."

Teen singer-actress Lindsay Lohan claimed the second spot on Blackwell's list.

"Over-hyped and under-dressed," he said. "What's happened to Lindsay? When it comes to fashion she's in a schizophrenic frenzy!"

Pop sisters Jessica and Ashlee Simpson tied for third. "From gaudy ... to grim ... to downright frenetic, these two prove that bad taste is positively genetic!"

Courtney Love -- "Medusa stuck in a meltdown mode" -- was No. 4. Paris Hilton came in at No. 5 this year, with Blackwell calling her "one Hilton that should be closed for renovation."

Rounding out the list were Serena Williams, Britney Spears, Paula Abdul, Meryl Streep and Anna Nicole Smith.

Hilton, Love, Spears and Jessica Simpson also appeared on last year's list, with Hilton at No. 1


Nicollette Sheridan and Nicklas Soderblom engaged

Desperate Housewives co-star Nicollette Sheridan will soon be a not-so-desperate housewife.

Sheridan, who plays Edie Britt on the hit ABC show, was engaged over the holidays to her Swedish-born beau, Nicklas Soderblom, her publicist said Monday. The engagement was first reported by Star magazine. The couple spent New Year's weekend in Aspen.

There are few details on Soderblom, an actor. But Sheridan's love life is an open book. The 41-year-old actress was briefly married to Harry Hamlin and had relationships with singers Leif Garrett and Michael Bolton.

"I've had exceptional men in my life, but I haven't found the one. But maybe I have now," she told to press.

Her publicist confirms that Sheridan's boyfriend popped the question over the holidays. Nicklas Soderblom is an actor who had bit parts in a Playboy video called "Wet and Wild" and a thriller starring Traci Lords called "Stir."

''Desperate'' Nicollette Sheridan's secret how to get a desperate body

There's a reason these hot housewives seem to strip on every show: Their bodies are honed and toned for a close-up from any angle.
Nicollette Sheridan's character is a serial divorcee, so Sheridan has to keep in shape for Edie's next romantic conquest.
Sheridan, 5'9", tells Star she is "very athletic. I love sports and really love volleyball!" She also loves to ski, ride horses and drive a motorcycle. Her other favorite aerobic activity? "Lots and lots of sex!"
Pasternak says she has "natural muscle" but could use more work on her abs.

Nicolette Sheridan is doing her best

Nicolette has spent her years turning heads and shocking audiences, whether it was starring as Paige on "Knots Landing" or her recent appearance on the introduction to ABC's "Monday Night Football." Puritans everywhere went nuts over the steamy intro to the Philadelphia-Dallas game, featuring Nicollette, wearing only a towel in an empty locker room, provocatively asking Eagles receiver Terrell Owens to skip the game for her. After she dropped her towel, he smiled, agreed to be late for the contest and she jumped into his arms. This came just nine months after Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction introduced millions of children to her bare breast during the Super Bowl. Like they had never seen one or never would! Some suspect the uproar may have had something to do with the fact that Owens is African-American and Nicolette is white.

Why We Like Her? She's 5'9", 34B-24-35, still looking hot even though she doesn't look like the girl who was John Cusack's guaranteed lay in The Sure Thing (1985). We would have hitchhiked across America to get her in bed then, and there is something to be said for aging well. We would skip Monday Night Football for Nicolette any day of the week... Well, you know what we mean. We can even forgive her for appearing on Battle of the Network Stars XIX in 1988.

What's she doing now? "Desperate Housewives" - Nicolette stars as Edie Britt, the slut of Wisteria Lane on ABC's hit show. She gives Teri Hatcher competition (something few women could do) for a single hunk who just moved into the suburbs with a dark secret. This show provides lots of opportunities for Nicolette to do what she does best: walk around in skimpy outfits and have sex.

Her famous quotes: "I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling, and things have not changed that much. For some reason, Hollywood seems to have painted me as a gorgeous vixen at times or the sweet girl. I don't get it." About her role : "(Edie's) our libidinous protagonist. She's your neighborhood slut."

Nicollette Sheridan's B'Day Party

Desperate Housewives diva Nicollette Sheridan partied hard (and shaved a year off her age) at her birthday bash at L.A. club Bliss on Nov. 27.

Surrounded by 60 pals, the star greeted guests with "Oh my God! I can't believe I'm 40!" as she waved a magic wand over her sexy curves.

Nicollette, who actually turned 41 on Nov. 21, later grabbed a microphone and yelled, "I love you all and thanks for coming out to my 21st birthday party. But really, who's [bleeping] counting!"

Guests at the party included former football star Marcus Allen and Brenda Strong. Even though Strong has the least diva-like role on Desperate Housewives as the late Mary Alice Young, she nevertheless cut the buffet line with the excuse, "Sorry! We have to get home to the babysitter!"

At one bar, Nicollette created a drink for everyone called "Nicollette's Surprise," which included white liquor S Guaro, fresh pumpkin juice and fall spices. Then she knighted guests with her wand and yelled, "Patron, patron!" as she urged teetotalers to down tequila shots.

Desperate Sheridan wants to get rewarded for those great ratings

One song "Desperate Housewives" actress Nicollette Sheridan can't sing is "You Don't Bring Me Flowers." But she is crying the blues.

"I heard (the cast of) 'Friends' got cars when they had such amazing ratings. But I got flowers," Sheridan, 41, told "Access Hollywood." Her remarks came the same day that the Nielsen ratings list was released, revealing that the No. 1 "Housewives" boasted 22.3 million viewers last week. (Second-place "CSI: Miami" had 20.5 million, and No. 3 "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" had 19.5 million.)

"I'm still waiting for the Porsche," says the Golden Globe nominee, who plays the back-stabbing supporting character Edie Britt on the ABC hit.

Sheridan, who first gained stardom 20 years ago on "Knots Landing," also claims, "I'm the poorest actress on television."

But she has some hope, saying: "I have the feeling that ABC will be extremely generous at the end of the season. They will say, 'You know what, girls and boys? You really deserve a lot more than what you're getting there.' "

The New York Post computes the highest-paid TV actresses annual salaries as follows: Patricia Heaton, "Everybody Loves Raymond," $10 million to 12 million; Debra Messing, "Will & Grace," $4.5 million; Marg Helgenberger, "CSI," $3.3 million; and Melina Kanakaredes, "CSI: NY," $2.2 million.

Nicollette Sheridan gets Golden Globe nomination

On the TV side, Desperate Housewives dominated with five nods, including Best Musical/Comedy Show and Best Actress nominations for Marcia Cross, Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman and a Supporting Actress nod for Nicollette Sheridan.

Nicolette Sheridan's touchdown

There was an uproar of pious indignation following the "Monday Night Football" game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Dallas Cowboys, and, as usual, the outrage had something to do with Terrell Owens.
Actually, the furor is about a silly sketch that ran even before Hank Williams declared to the world that he and his less-than- genteel acquaintances are, in fact, prepared for an evening of viewing professional football.
The sketch, for those that didn't see it, showed Owens at his locker, in full pads, when suddenly Nicolette Sheridan, from the hit new ABC soap, "Desperate Housewives," appears wearing nothing but a towel. Now who hasn't had THAT happen to them in a locker room before a game?
Sheridan, in her "Housewives" Edie Britt persona, is trying to convince Owens to skip the game to, I don't know, play a few games of Scrabble with her. Well, Owens makes some sort of reference to a Housewives plotline, I guess, when he asks what is buried under the pool, and declines her completely ambiguous offer.
But Owens is convinced to hang out when Sheridan drops her towel, allowing a nation to see the - gasp - skin above the waist and from behind, of a woman. Owens says then that the Eagles will have to win it without him, a decision I'm sure that was made easier by the fact that the Eagles were only playing the Cowboys, so Owens wasn't really needed for a win anyway.
The sketch ends with a switch in scenes to two other "Housewives" actresses, Felicity Huffman and Teri Hatcher, watching TV together. One says to the other, "Who watches this trash? Where's the football game?"
Everyone has a good couple of yuks, and the game begins. Unfortunately, with visions of Janet Jackson'a Super Bowl nipple display dancing in their heads, NFL executives went into full apology mode over this incredibly tasteless and offensive bit. This is a league whose sidelines are graced with the presence of cheerleaders showing more skin than Sheridan did, and whose main source of advertising punctuating the legalized violence are beer commercials that wax philosophical about the wonders of twins, who always just happen to be busty female twins. Not to mention ads for Cialis, Levitra and Viagra that warn that the products can be overly effective for over four hours.
Why isn't the league more concerned with how offensive a Cowboys-Bears matchup on Thanksgiving is?
While the point can be made that the sketch ran at 6 p.m. on the west coast, this was hardly "racy." You'd find raunchier stuff in a "Friends" re-run at that time. At 9 p.m., you have utter garbage like "The Swan" airing opposite "Monday Night Football." "The Swan" is a "beauty pageant" that takes "ugly girls" and makes them beautiful by giving them breast implants and other massive plastic surgeries. That is offensive on so many levels.
The most ridiculous notion was Colts coach Tony Dungy saying that it was racist because it played to the stereotype that black male athletes like hot blond women. Well, actually, I think it is men in general that are attracted to good-looking blond women, not just black athletes.

Nicolette Sheridan drops the towel

NFL officials, still smarting over the Janet Jackson breast-baring "wardrobe malfunction" at this year's Super Bowl, have been upset by a racy pre-game television skit.
ABC have apologised for a suggestive segment in which Philadelphia Eagles receiver Terrell Owens was seduced by Nicolette Sheridan, an actress on the network's new hit series 'Desperate Housewives'.

The scene, shown before Philadelphia's recent 49-21 rout of Dallas, shows Owens, in his team uniform, rebuffing locker room advances by Sheridan, clad only in a towel. She then drops the towel and Owens says, "Aw hell, the team is going to have to win this one without me."

While there was no partial nudity, unlike in Jackson's Super Bowl show in February, the racy tone was too much for the NFL. League spokesman Greg Aiello said: "ABC's opening was inappropriate and unsuitable for our 'Monday Night Football' audience. "While ABC may have gained attention for one of its other shows, the NFL and its fans lost."

Owens told the Philadelphia Inquirer that the controversy was much ado about nothing. "This is the same kind of stuff we see on soap operas every single day," he said. They sell products like milk with this kind of stuff... I really don't understand why this whole situation is being made into such a big problem."

Nicolette Sheridan as desperate housewife seduces Terrell Owens on commercial

Well, here we go again. Replace Janet Jackson's breast with Nicolette Sheridan's towel and we're at the same place we were last January: moral outrage by a few misconstrued as moral outrage by the majority. Throw in overreaction from the FCC chairman, media talking heads, bored columnists and radio call in guests all fueling this ridiculous flame and it's de ja vu all over again.

ABC was wrong to air the Desperate Housewives teaser in front of Monday Night Football - the one where actress Nicolette Sheridan seduced Terrell Owens in nothing but a towel - not because America's youth will be forever scarred (I imagine they've seen bad plastic surgery before), but because the majority of us who don't care have to go through all of this again. It was a silly stunt on a number of levels, but indecent? Right, that is indecent, but football - with its violence, misogynistic commercials, and scantily clad cheerleaders - is family entertainment.

The real outrage should be directed to a Federal Communications Commission that has failed triumphantly in regulating an industry that now sees three corporations owning the overwhelming majority of radio stations in America. The real controversy should be as to why senators, representatives, and even presidents like Bill Clinton and George W. Bush saw fit to relax the rules that allowed this deregulation to happen. The real venom should be directed toward FCC chair Michael Powell - a man who has yet to meet a television camera he didn't like - who has seized every opportunity to anoint himself as America's moral protector.
It is The Great American Diversion, and Powell is falling in line with such infamous American icons as Senator Joe McCarthy. When you can't perform your job as originally intended you create a smokescreen to divert attention away from your own ineptitude, and set yourself up as an American hero along the way. McCarthy used a secret list of communist insiders to create national panic and manufacture a red scare with himself as the head protector. Powell has used trumped up complaints and so-called public outcry to levy fines and personally clean up Hollywood. Thank you Michael, but most adults don't need a babysitter.

Powell said back in February, before a Senate Commerce Committee, that, "Action must be taken by the entire television and radio industry to heed the public's outcry and take affirmative steps to curb the race to the bottom." Yes, public outcry - the voices of millions screaming out in unison. Or, rather, the voices of millions screaming out in a collective yawn. Only 500,000 people complained about the Super Bowl halftime show, the one that featured the Breast Heard 'Round the World. The FCC has cited that number as proof of the value of their own existence, because it is the largest amount of complaints ever. But the commissioners at the FCC conveniently ignored the fact that the Super Bowl was viewed by 140 million people and that half a million complaints represent only .357 percent of total viewers.

They also ignored the fact that even those numbers are bogus because groups like the Parents Television Council urge their members to complain to shows via their websites. They even have forms already filled out for you so, you know, you can just send it in without doing any messy "research." They encourage their members not to watch questionable shows, but to go ahead and complain anyway. How convenient. You can be offended without actually being offended. Out of the 500,000 complaints, who knows how many actually saw the event? Or how many actually complained, since there is nothing saying you can't "vote" early and vote often.

Research by television critic Jeff Jarvis - through the Freedom of Information Act - showed that the record $1.2 million fine recently handed down to FOX for the show Married by America was started by 90 complaints from 23 people. All but two of those individuals were using the same form letter. So, basically, three people complained and the FCC, citing their "public outcry," fined FOX $1.2 million (www.buzzmachine.com). That's $400,000 for each offended soul.

With all of the talk about the "public airwaves" and the FCC enforcing "community standards," where is the desire to make sure this is what the public and the community wants? If Howard Stern gets 15 million listeners a day and 100 people complain - which lead to fines in the millions - is this serving the public? If three people complain about an obscure FOX show - one that was already eliminated by the only "real" public outcry: low ratings - is that worth $1.2 million? What community are we pulling these standards from?

This isn't about red states vs. blue states, the politically correct vs. the politically incorrect, or even TV fans vs. TV haters. Few people would argue against the need for standards, but few can actually site what those standards are. Visit the FCC website someday and find the section labeled "Standards for Decency on Television and Radio." Pack yourself a lunch, because it's going to be a long search. There is no section. There are no standards. It's another myth hoisted on the American public. A committee of a few commissioners act as our moral protectors, deciding what is fit and what isn't. And how do they decide such matters?

If you think your viewing habits are free of indecent material, take a look at the PTC website. Unless your favorite shows consist of such groundbreakers as Doc and Reba, you probably are watching something they'd deem "indecent." If a select few can decide what is right for the masses then, well, you had better TIVO as many CSIs as you can.

My advice? Let's ban the FCC, completely rehaul the agency and get rid of the commissioners. Let's actually set down some clear, fair guidelines, voted on by a commission with less lawyers and more real people: moms, dads, Christians, atheists, homosexuals, bachelors and, most importantly, TV fans. Having lawyers decide what is decent is like having mechanics run the FDA. Let's enforce those guidelines fairly, not just going after the Howard Sterns while we let the Oprah Winfreys get by with the same mistakes.

Let's tighten the rules on radio ownership and loosen the effect of the monster corporations. Let's not go overboard with fines and work to create a marketplace where creativity and boundary-pushing isn't a bad thing. Let's remember that kids go to bed at some point and it's a parent's job to pay attention to ratings, warnings and bedtimes. And let's not be afraid of live TV. The world isn't made for kids, but for adults. If little Bobby hears a four-letter word, it isn't the end of the world. We can't sanitize reality for a few anxious parents.

But most importantly, let's stop overreacting. If you see something on TV that is inappropriate, don't watch. Don't buy the products advertised. In fact, ban the whole network from your house. Why would you want to take the power out of your hands and ask the government to decide for you? Now that is offensive.

Nicolette Sheridan Towel Tour

I would get Nicollette Sheridan to run the first bratwurst to the stage during the opening ceremonies in nothing but a towel. I didn't get to see her small appearance with Terrell Owens on Monday Night Football but I hear her "acting" was excellent. It could be a part of a tour. The Nicolette Sheridan Towel Tour. She could hit other festivals as well.
I know Boyd Long does it now, but I don't really want to see him in a towel. Sorry, Boyd.

Nicolette Sheridan: Are you ready for some nudity?

Hank Williams Jr. poses the same question week after week on "Monday Night Football," and then all of a sudden ABC asks if we're ready for some nudity.

My answer, of course, was hell yeah. But many were outraged by last month's opening to the Dallas-Philadelphia broadcast in which Nicolette Sheridan threw off her towel and jumped into Terrell Owens' arms.

The Eagles' receiver said the team would have to win without him because he'd be too busy gettin' busy with a desperate housewife. Who could blame Owens? If Sheridan jumped into my arms, I'd forget about my P-I teammates, too.

The steamy segment made the Go 2 Guy wonder what ABC would use as an intro to this evening's clash between the Cowboys and Seahawks at Qwest Field. To plug this dog, I figured the creative minds would be forced to call BALCO for a promo growth hormone. I heard they wanted an in-the-buff bimbo like Paris Hilton to jump into Darrell Jackson's arms but thought better of it, realizing the Seahawks' receiver would drop her.

The Owens-Sheridan bit was never supposed to happen. Originally, each star of "Desperate Housewives" would say a line or two while watching "Monday Night Football."

But Teri Hatcher bailed last minute, declining because she thought the spot made her look dumb. That caused the production team to improvise with Sheridan and Owens in a new skit, which I guess you could call a stripped-down version of the old one.

Guadelli would not comment about the controversial spot, but Rice did. "I thought it was funny but inappropriate," he said. "You have so many kids watching 'Monday Night Football.' There's no way I would have wanted to explain that to my 8-year-old." Asked if he would have done it, Rice said: "Oh, no. The second they said 'locker-room scene with femme fatale,' no way."

Tonight's tease won't raise eyebrows or testosterone levels, but Guadelli promises "it will be entertaining" nonetheless. After that, ABC will feature more than the game. "Seattle is such a great city to show off on TV," Guadelli said, listing Mount Rainier, the skyline and Puget Sound -- not Sheridan -- as candidates for exposure.

Nicolette Sheridan on SI's "Who's hot''

Even by recent, lower standards, the last couple of weeks were likely the worst in U.S. sports history. First, the NFL was grateful to the NBA for making the Monday Night Football/Desperate Housewives calamity go away in favor of the Auburn Hills/Ron Artest riot. Then the NBA was grateful to MLB for replacing that calamity with the BALCO/Jason Giambi calamity.
It was so bad that a seven-minute street fight between South Carolina's and Clemson's NCAA football teams, the day after the NBA riot, barely made news. Only the NHL, closed for altercations, has managed to escape.

Two issues ago, "Sports Illustrated," once sports' most significantly right-headed publication, put its neo-classical "attitude" aside to present a cover story that pointed to the NBA riot while bemoaning sports' free-fall from the minimal standards of decency. Right on. Write on.

One issue later, SI had already begun to creep back toward pandering to the young, male, selfish wise guy demographic that has laid us all low.

SI's latest issue already seems to have already forgotten. Up front, under "Who's Hot," it pictures Nicolette Sheridan, with the smarmy reminder, "Hey, Nicolette: T.O's back on MNF on Dec. 27."

Then there's an item celebrating Pats' DT Richard Seymour for a wardrobe that includes $300 French cuff casual shirts while his formal wear includes $650 "Mezlan alligator/ostrich loafers." Great, another pro with his values in order.

Then there's a piece about U.S. Olympic sprinter Jeremy Wariner. He and five ex-teammates are posed, no doubt on orders, giving the camera menacing scowls — gangsta style, ESPN Mag style — as if you'd dissed them and now they're going to slit your throat.

It doesn't matter if Janet Jackson's breast springs a jailbreak at the Super Bowl or whether there's a riot at an NBA game. It doesn't matter how clearly we see the causes and how soulfully we ask, "What has happened to sports?" The lament lasts about 20 minutes. Then it's back to work.

Nicolette Sheridan is too sexy for Dove Foundation

I’m all for speaking out. There just aren’t enough activists in the world for my taste. Organized action? I love it. Except in certain instances. A recent strain of activism has somewhat rankled me. And, it’s not so underground. Couch-potato related, in fact.

I’m talking about Nipplegate, better known as the Janet Jackson Super Bowl Halftime Special flash, and the more recent flap over which people took umbrage after a (for all we know) nude Nicolette Sheridan attempted to seduce a stunned Terrell Owens.

One was entertainment, the other, a promo for "Desperate Housewives" on ABC. Both prompted grassroots activism in the form of angry phone calls from concerned viewers, which resulted in public outcry, investigations, lots of spilled ink, and in the case of Nipplegate, a hefty fine from the FCC. Neither of these televised events ruffled my feathers; I watch a lot of MTV. But I did wonder: Who the hell calls and complains after a faintly racy incident airs on television? Don’t these people have cable? Who are these people, anyway?

I found out recently when they called me, yesterday morning. The Dove Foundation, a non-profit organization which, according to their Web site, was "established to encourage and promote the production and distribution of wholesome family entertainment," called me to request my participation in another one of their campaigns.

Television is getting too sexy, they said. Tell me about it. I’ve seen more of Lindsay Lohan than I ever cared to. She’s tired of rumors? Well, I’m tired of her mammaries. If I never see another squat-thrust in a music video, I will be totally fine.

But it seems merely rolling my eyes, or averting them, isn’t enough for the Dove Foundation. The Motion Picture Ratings Association of America isn’t enough, they say. They review films themselves to ensure each it family-appropriate. Fair enough. But there’s a catch. To really earn the Dove Foundation’s stamp of approval, a film has to promote Christianity. Their review board is made up of parents who "have been trained to evaluate each film or video based upon Judeo-Christian ethics."

Interestingly, there’s an essay on their Web site that says they’re looking for the next "Passion of the Christ." But, wasn’t "Passion of the Christ" extremely violent? Roger Ebert said it was the most violent movie he had ever seen. But no matter; it gets the Dove seal of approval.

Now that my original inquiry of "who" has been answered, I have to wonder. Why is the Dove Foundation calling me? I’m an MTV-loving, "Will and Grace"-taping, "Queer Eye" special Tivo-ing, Destiny’s Child-living-room-dancing friend of Dorothy’s. Naked boobies are not a moral issue forme. The facts of life are just that. At least I know who it is that gets angry when Nicolette Sheridan drops her towel. And I’m betting they aren’t watching "Desperate Housewives" at all.

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